untitled 1/22/13

I hate being alone
For all the various
Memories and thoughts
That follow and haunt me.

Everytime I turn around
There's this voice in the
Back of my head full of
Self-judgement and hate.

It throws all my past mistakes
Back in my face with
The 1080p HD clarity of my 20/20
Past vision; tells me I'm always gonna fail.

And for years and years I've
Been in this struggle, telling and yelling at
This voice that is myself that it is
Wrong; I will succeed!

But in the end, I don't; I'm human
And I err and the voice triumphant
Crows: "See? See! I told you so."
And I try to hide in my shame and my grief.

I turn to MaryJane for sweet numbed solace
And comfort, but even her great powers
Only shelter me but for a second
Against this endless barrage of shit.

So I sit here on my bed
Just as haunted as before, sober
Trying to scribble away the pain
And I wonder: "Will I fail?"